10 Workouts for Busy Moms (Written by a Mom Who’s Too Tired to Lie)
aka “How I Stopped Crying Over Spilled Smoothies and Found My Squat Game”
Hey mama. Let’s cut the fluff: working out with kids is like trying to meditate in a bounce house. I’ve done planks with a toddler riding my back, squatted while narrating Paw Patrol, and once did yoga in a shirt stained with pureed sweet potato. These workouts aren’t pretty, but they’re real—and they’ll keep you from losing your mind.
1. The “Nap Time? More Like Crunch Time” HIIT
Look, I don’t trust anyone who says they love burpees. But this 20-minute rage-fest works because you’ll burn calories and resentment. Here’s my go-to:
Blast Liuzzo's “Good as Hell” (volume low so the monitor doesn’t pick it up).
Do squat jumps like you’re launching your least favorite toy into the sun.
Modified push-ups? Girl, I’m using the edge of the crib. Judge me.
Finish with mountain climbers so aggressive, you’ll pretend the floor is your in-laws’ opinions.
Pro tip: If the baby wakes up mid-set, turn it into a mommy-and-me workout. “Look, sweetie! Mommy’s doing ‘up-downs’!” (They’ll never know it’s burpees.)
2. Yoga for People Who Hate Zen
I tried the whole “ohm” thing once. My kid licked my face during corpse pose. Now I do mom yoga:
Warrior II: Hold while yelling “STOP LICKING THE DOG” across the room.
Tree pose: Wobble wildly as your preschooler clings to your leg. Core engagement = 100%.
Savasana: Lie on the floor and let the kids “draw” on your back with markers. It’s self-care and art therapy.
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3. Stroller Workouts (AKA “Why Do I Even Own a Gym Membership?”)
My double stroller weighs 900 pounds. Use that.
Power walk like Target’s about to close and the diapers are 50% off.
Lunges while singing “Wheels on the Bus” because irony is dead.
Park bench triceps dips as other moms side-eye you. Smile. They’re jealous of your lack of shame.
4. Living Room Cardio (No Sports Bra Required)
Turn Bluey into a workout:
Bingo’s Dance Party: Jump during the theme song.
Magic Claw Challenge: Crab-walk to “clean” Legos.
Keep Duppy: Play “keep the balloon off the floor” with squats. Bonus: Kids think you’re fun. Lies.
5. Laundry Day Leg Day
Forget kettlebells. My weights are:
The “Full Hamper” deadlift: Bend knees, lift, scream “WHY DO WE OWN SO MANY SOCKS?!”
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The “Toddler Carry” farmer’s walk: Hoist a writhing 35-pounder from timeout corner to bath.
The “I Give Up” wall sit: Slide down slowly while questioning all your life choices.
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6. Kitchen Counter Core Work
Waiting for pasta water to boil? Perfect.
Countertop planks: Bonus points if you nibble abandoned chicken nuggets mid-hold.
Toe taps: Lift knees while unloading the dishwasher. Ignore the fork you dropped.
Side bends: Reach for wine glasses on the top shelf. Congrats, you’re functional and tipsy.
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7. Car Line Calisthenics
School pickup is the new CrossFit.
Glute squeezes while parked behind Karen’s SUV.
Steering wheel triceps presses to “Shake It Off” (this is a cry for help).
Neck rolls so intense, other parents think you’re having a seizure.
8. Bedtime Routine Arm Toner
Lifting kids = gains.
The “I’ll Do It Myself” curl: Hoist a tantruming 4-year-old into pajamas. 3 sets of 10.
Overhead press: Lift baby into crib. Add a wiggle for resistance.
Bicep burn: Read Goodnight Moon 47 times without losing your will to live.
9. Bath Time Cardio
Water + kids = chaos. Use it.
Speed-clean the bathroom before flood damage sets in.
Squat to retrieve rubber ducks.
Side lunges to dodge splash zones. You’re basically Simone Biles.
10. The “I’m Too Exhausted” Workout
For days when you mainline cold coffee:
Couch crunches: 10 between emails.
Commercial break wall sits: Hold until someone needs a snack.
Stair sprints: Bolt upstairs because someone’s coloring on the walls again.
Real Talk from My Crumby Minivan
“Fitness” is a vibe, not a body: Some days my “workout” is surviving Target without a meltdown (me or the kids).
Involve the tiny terrorists: My 3-year-old counts my squats (“1, 2, 8, BLUEY!”). It’s chaos. It counts.
Snacks > six-packs: Keep trail mix in your sports bra. I won’t judge.
You’re Already Killing It
Let’s be honest: some weeks my “fitness routine” is just hauling groceries while wearing a baby. But guess what? You’re strong. You’re resilient. And if anyone dares say “You should wake up earlier to exercise,” tell them to come over at 6 AM when the toddler’s redecorating the walls with Sharpie.
Now go crush that living room cardio—or just eat a cookie in the pantry. Balance, baby.
P.S. If you find a matching sock in your sports bra, no you didn’t.
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